Recently in Adolescents & Families Category

I had written a short peice on the value of overcoming in human development. Alas, the computer crashed and my draft was lost and my Muse has left me. So, I am going to include the quotes from two seminal Adlerians that inspired me to write my post just the same. Perhaps my Muse will return at a later time. The quotes are from the Alfred Adler Institute of Northwestern Washington

"It is through the striving to overcome difficulties that the child learns to trust himself, and to fight and solve problems in childhood and during his later life" - Anthony Bruck

People are accustomed to consdering difficulties as something negative, (Alfred) Adler made difficulties something positive, because the desire to overcome the difficulties develops the striving (for significance) in the individual. The individual who had no difficulties willlack the disposition to face and overcome other difficulties" - Anthony Buck (parentheses for clarity)

"A really courageous individual with self-confidence will seek out difficulties because he enjoys overoming them." Anthony Bruck

"If children did not find difficulties, we would have to invent them in order for the child to experience accomplishment and growth, to experience that he is now getting along and can do soemthing. From where should they get this experience? Suddenly they are expected to have it? If you protect the child completely and then send him out inot the school world what can he do?" Lidia Sicher

"Overcoming difficulties leads to courage, self-respect, and knowing yourself"- Sophia de Vires

"A person needs to get a feeling of self before he can give to and cooperate with others. A person gets a feeling of self by making steps to overcome his difficulties"- Sophia de Vires

he should know!

Positive Discipline is a version of Adlerian Parent Guidance. Worth a listen. As is her talk on Positive Discipline for Teens:

More interesting material from the search insitute ofr parents and educators. The reader may want to check out their free resources.

http://search-institute.org/video-library

Interesting half hour video discussion of the Search Institute and their 40 Developmental Assets needed for kids and teens to flourish.

How to Raise an Unhappy Child
January 12, 2011

Why do so many people still believe that achievement leads to happiness?

The media is abuzz about Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (see this excerpt from the Wall Street Journal). Chua argues that “Chinese” mothers “are superior” because they demand absolute perfection—and won’t refrain from berating, threatening, and even starving their kids until they’re satisfied.

Chua acknowledges that her argument will offend softy “Western” parents, who prefer to coddle rather than throttle their kids—parents who prioritize happiness over achievement.

Successful -- but happy?
I am not offended so much as worried. My inbox is full of parents looking for an answer: Should I be more demanding? Will my children be aimless underachievers if I foster things like friendship and gratitude rather than tripling their piano practice time?

Though I’m anything but permissive, even by Chua’s standards, I am one of those “Western” parents that absolutely does prioritize children’s long-term happiness over their achievements and performances. Ironically, I adapted these values from a confluence of Eastern philosophy—particularly Lao-tzu’s Tao Te Ching and Buddhist teachings—and Western science, which provides ample evidence that success follows happiness, and not the other way around.

Chua’s argument goes against years of scientific research into what makes kids truly happy—and successful—in life. Moreover, it rests on a faulty premise: Rather than being overly permissive, many American parents—especially the well-educated, affluent Americans reading excerpts in the WSJ or on Slate.com—are overly focused on achievement already. Chua’s guide to raising ever-more high-achieving children could fuel this fire, and that’s scary.

Chua defines success narrowly, focusing on achievement and perfection at all costs: Success is getting straight As and being a violin or piano prodigy. Three decades of research clearly suggests that such a narrow focus on achievement can produce wildly unhappy people. Yes, they may boast perfect report cards and stunning piano recitals. But we are a country full of high-achieving but depressed and suicidal college students, a record number of whom take prescription medication for anxiety and depression.

Chua argues that happiness comes from mastery, and that mastery is achieved through “tenacious practice, practice, practice.” She’s right here—practice does fuel success—but she’s wrong that forced mastery will lead to happiness. “Once a child starts to excel at something,” she writes, “he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.”

Although there’s some logic to this “virtuous circle,” the drug-like gratification that comes from this type of achievement is not happiness or fulfillment: Once the initial exhilaration wears off, it’s on to the next goal, in search of that elusive feeling of accomplishment. It’s success without long-term enjoyment, work without meaning.

Chua is prescribing life motivated by perfectionism—fear of failure, fear of disappointment. Not only is this a vicious form of unhappiness, but research by Carol Dweck and many others shows that kids who are not allowed to make mistakes don’t develop the resilience or grit they need later in life to overcome challenges, or pick themselves up when they do fail. Perfectionists are far more likely to be depressed, anxious, and in college, they are more likely to commit suicide.

Perhaps even more disconcerting is how Chua disparages play and friendships: She takes pride in never letting her kids have playdates or sleepovers, so that they have more time for schoolwork and practicing their instruments.

If scientists have learned anything on the subject, it’s that social connections are the foundation for happiness, health, and success in life. When kids build friendships through play, their social and emotional intelligence flourishes; social skills are a key predictor of success later in life. What’s more, research clearly links loneliness and isolation with chronic illness and increased mortality rates, not to mention unhappiness.

Chua also recommends motivating kids through coercion and threats—a recipe not just for unhappiness but also for unethical behavior. People who are motivated externally with threats and rewards are less creative, less able to solve problems, and more likely to cheat to meet the expectations of those around them.

I’m not suggesting that you should fret about your children’s self-esteem, pump them full of false praise, or let them run wild. I don’t do those things, and I don’t advocate permissive parenting. I do advocate happiness and joy as the paths to a meaningful life.

But if that sounds fluffy to you—if you, like Chua, value your children’s success over their long-term happiness—and you are inclined to practice Chua’s methods for turning out an Ivy-Leaguer, here is what I want you to remember: Fostering the skills that kids need for happiness is a better bet for their long-term success.

Do you think children raised by “Chinese” mothers are “superior,” as Chua asserts? Where you raised in the “Chinese” style of parenting Chua hyperbolizes? If so, did it work for you? Did you learn the skills you need for happiness now? Has Chua’s essay made you rethink how you parent? Why or why not?

© 2011 Christine Carter, PhD

http://www.truthindrugs.com

This is a new website put out by the National Alliance of Professional Psychology Providers. It aims to provide information on the uses and abuses of psychotropic medications. Worth a look if you are now on these medications or someone you love is.

I should clarify that the mission of this organization is to make psychotherapy the first treatment of choice instead of medication for mental health issues. Makes sense to me.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/24divorce-and-suicide-idea_n_812456.html

The Huffinton Post cited this study suggesting that boys after a divorce are more likely to develop suicidal ideation. That is to say, they will think about dying. While suicidal ideation is not the typical reaction it does happen. And not just with boys, girls are also may develop this type of symptom. More typical reactions from boys and girls, children and teens, are manifestations of discouragement- uncooperativeness, underachievement, and so on.

While it is tempting to discuss childrens reaction to divorce I believe that there is another important implication of the article-what could adults who want to protect their children from the distress of divorce do?

In my practice, I find that many couples coming in for marital therapy make this decision once they are at the brink of divorce. At this point, neither the couple, or therapist, have the luxuary of some time to turn things around. Sadly, working with some couples at the brink often becomes divorce counseling

Just as in physical medicine where a pain, lump, or unusal symptom is best treated sooner than later it is no different for marriages. The sooner a problem in communication, intimacy, shared valuing, chirld rearing, and money issues are "treated" the more likely a marraige can be enriched and the children protected from the discouragement of divorcing and post divorce family life.

One important way a couple can decide if they need some assistance with their marriage isto examine the quality of the marital friendship.

A positive marital friendship can be characterized as one where a couple has a:
* well-developed caring "map" of one's partner
* a willingess to turn toward one's partner
* optimal appreciation of one's partner
* capacity to accept the influence and opinion of one's partner
* a willingness to repair discouraging encounters
* strives to cultivate a shared meaning and purpose
* spends time savoring each other's company

When the characterisitcs fade from a marriage, that marriage can become at best limiting, and at worst, conflicted. Maritial therapy can help restore, refine,and further develop a marrital friendship.

Our children are counting on us.

courtesy of everythingaddictions.com

November 17, 2010
Alcohol and drug use by teens is sometimes treated as a rite of passage, and is perhaps thought to be less serious than adult drug use. Although teen drug use may worry parents about their children’s physical health, social relations, academic performance, or immediate danger, the threat to teen’s future mental health can sometimes be overlooked. Yet researchers are saying that teenagers respond dramatically different to drug exposure compared to adults, spurring long-term damages to brain development and cognition.

A common misconception about adolescent drug use is that since teenagers are still undergoing growth, they are more resilient to the emotional and mental harms caused by drugs. However, the latest studies on teenage neurocognition are showing quite the opposite: the presence of illicit substances in a young person’s still-maturing brain can lead to permanent, irreversible mental deficits.

At this year’s Neuroscience Annual Meeting—the world’s largest gathering of physicians and clinicians from the Society of Neuroscience—researchers presented data based on several studies on teenage substance use and its consequences. According to one study led by Staci Ann Gruber, PhD of Harvard Medical School, individuals who start using cannabis at a young age create chronic mental deficits for themselves, such as lower levels of cognitive flexibility, attention, and focus. A similar study conducted by an expert in brain developmental stages and brain injury, Dr. Frances Jensen of the Children’s Hospital, Boston, explains that because adolescents’ brains are still in the stage of development, adding an illicit substance to their mental environment will cause normal brain growth to take different turns, sometimes ending in permanent brain damage. In comparison to adult cannabis use, cannabis will remain in an adolescent’s system for much longer periods of time, possibly due to the fact that younger brains harbor more receptors for an illicit substance to bind to. For teenagers, this effect leads to the improper development of such vital cognitive skills as learning and memory. After subjecting their young brains to regular cannabis use, Jensen found, teenagers’ IQs can permanently decline. Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) data indicated that adolescent cannabis users had experienced damage to the frontal and prefrontal inhibitory areas in their brains.

Like cannabis, alcohol use by younger persons can lead to permanent damage in brain development due to the presence of more receptors in adolescent brains, according to an animal-based study led by Toni Pak at Loyola University. Binge drinking in particular significantly changes an adolescents’ stress response in comparison to excessive adult alcohol use since adolescent drinking disrupts normal stress hormone production and impedes on a teenager’s ability to manage stress. This imbalance was also linked to greater risk of future anxiety, depression, or other behavioral and mood disorders in adulthood.

Another study demonstrates how adolescents are willing to work harder to obtain cocaine, indicating that their drug-seeking behavior may be more powerful than that experienced by adults. As a result of this stronger impulse for a cocaine ‘fix,’ adolescents are susceptible to an increase in stress levels. Based on the findings of her animal model, researcher Dr. Michela Marinelli found that adolescent rats exposed to cocaine use are also more vulnerable to lower doses of cocaine than their adult counterparts, making them at higher risk of addiction. Because the young brain—which is only 80% developed during adolescent years—is likely to learn behaviors and conditions quicker than adults, adolescents will also learn how to become addicted faster, more intensely, and for longer extents.

A different study, led by Joshua Gulley, PhD, found that amphetamine use during adolescence is linked with irreversible damage to the brain regions that control decision-making and memory—damages that extend long into adulthood. Based on his animal model, brain deficits discovered in adult subjects were possibly the result of damages created by drug use during adolescent years when the brain was still undergoing development.

Understanding the effects of teenage drug and alcohol use not only will help at-risk teenagers today, but will also save them from future mental disability and substance abuse disorders that can carry into adulthood. The impact of addiction and poor mental health is not only felt by individual drug users, but their family members, friends, associates, and their communities in general. By implementing successful prevention, intervention, and educational programs, the heavy emotional and fiscal costs of substance abuse and its related consequences can be reduced, giving way to healthier, more productive communities.

Source: Medical News Today, Drug Exposure During Adolescence Has Long-Lasting Consequences, November 17, 2010

courtesy from Dr. Ken Pope:

show details Nov 20 (3 days ago)

From time to time I've circulated excerpts from articles by Katherine
Ellison, a Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter, as well as a very
enthusiastic recommendation for her new book, *Buzz: A Year of Paying
Attention.*

Tomorrow's *Washington Post* (Sunday, Nov 21) includes Katherine's new
article: "Doing battle with the ADHD-industrial complex."

Here are some excerpts:

[begin excerpts]

As the mother of a teenager who got a diagnosis of attention-deficit/
hyperactivity disorder in 2004, I wasn't surprised to read the new
report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that said the
number of ADHD cases in children jumped by 22 percent between 2003 and
2007 - an increase of 1 million kids.

From the day my son started school, I've watched popular awareness of
disabling distraction rise, to the point where it's easy to believe the
CDC estimate that one in 10 U.S. children - a total of 5.4 million kids
- now has ADHD, as reported by their families.

This might even be positive news, in that at least some kids who need
medical attention are getting it.

Except for one problem.

Growing along with those numbers is one of the most aggressive,
lucrative, bewildering and often just plain useless sales forces
humanity has ever seen - call it the ADHD-industrial complex.

This includes not only the U.S. pharmaceutical industry, which by one
measure sells more than $5 billion worth of ADHD medications each year -
and which only in the United States and New Zealand may market directly
to the public - but a growing league of all-but-unregulated, usually
costly and sometimes wildly imaginative alternatives, including herbal
supplements, complicated exercise regimes to stimulate specific brain
regions, magnetic mattresses, personal coaches and therapy "assisted" by
dolphins.

The ADHD industry's exuberance matches the vulnerability of its target
market: millions of desperate parents who, given the strongly hereditary
nature of ADHD, are often just as distracted and impulsive as their progeny.

Oh, did I mention that I got my own ADHD diagnosis at age 50, just a few
months after my son's?

This double whammy inspired me to spend a year investigating the grab
bag of symptoms constituting the current definition of ADHD and trying
to figure out the best ways to cope.

I was extra-motivated to seek non-pharmaceutical treatments when my son
balked at continuing to take stimulant medications after a year-long
trial - about the average amount of time kids will keep taking them, as
I later learned, and a big reason pills usually aren't reliable as a
single or long-term strategy.

In the course of my year of focusing on distraction, I got my head
examined by Daniel Amen, the legendary Southern California clinician who
says he can detect ADHD with a brain scan for $2,000; tried stimulant
meds for myself; stretched my equity loan to pay for scores of sessions
of neurofeedback (a computer-based treatment in which a therapist helps
you train your brain to function better); and even went on a five-day
silent meditation retreat, which I only just managed to survive.

I fed my son fish oil capsules until the aftertaste made him rebel,
subjected him to two days of neuropsychological tests ($4,000), hired
pricey tutors and summoned my nerve to lobby public schools to grant him
special accommodations, such as being allowed to chew gum while studying
algebra.

We did not, however, after due consideration, send in his hair follicles
for lab analysis to detect heavy metals or purchase custom-made colored
contact lenses, on the chance that his problem was not actually ADHD but
a controversial perceptual disorder known as scotopic sensitivity syndrome.

I also skipped the dolphin therapy after learning enough to suspect that
it was not only a waste of money but really unkind to the dolphins.

And despite often-Herculean efforts on the part of their families,
millions of kids may still end up fulfilling the direst outcomes of this
diagnosis, including higher rates of high school dropouts, unemployment,
teen pregnancy, car accidents, depression, anxiety and jail.

I was lucky: I was in a nice, supportive marriage, and my contract to
write a book on the subject gave me a handy professional excuse to call
up experts for advice.

Even so, I joined many other parents in anxiously watching my son's self-
esteem erode while a succession of teachers judged him lazy, troublesome
and - they implied - poorly parented.

If I, with all my advantages, had so much trouble dealing with the
academic train wreck, how much can we expect of parents who may be
divorced, working overtime and/or intimidated by hucksters online and
off, including the flood of self-help books with such optimistic titles
as "Dr. Bob's Guide to Stop ADHD in 18 Days?"

I am relieved to report that despite many setbacks, my son and I made
some progress by the end of my year.

Looking back, I suspect that his time on medication helped us out of a
crisis and gave him a useful taste of what it felt like to have more
self-control.

It may also be true that our budget-breaking neurofeedback treatments
helped curb his irritability and my anxiety.

At the same time, I discovered that some of the most effective
interventions are also the simplest and cheapest.

Such as educating myself enough to know how much of my son's behavior is
truly within his control.

Regular physical exercise, I found, can also be hugely helpful - and
this strategy is backed by a significant amount of research.

Russell Barkley, a leading ADHD researcher, cites studies showing that
rigorous exercise can increase the brain's capacity for willpower and
emotional self-control, arguably the most important skills lacking in
many of the clinically distracted.

So too, he says, can maintaining adequate levels of glucose, which has
led me to stop pestering my wiry, active son about his many trips to the
refrigerator.

Another useful (and cheap) strategy was abandoning my sheepishness
around my son's teachers and principals and visiting them early,
insistently and often.

Despite growing awareness about ADHD (the National Library of Medicine
lists more than 18,000 papers and articles on the disorder), the
continuing depth of misunderstanding in schools can be startling.

In one school district in Massachusetts, I was told by Harvard
neuroscientist Todd Rose, teachers have even made ultra-restless kids
wear lead vests to weigh them down.

Probably most important, I learned that it's key for a parent of a
seriously distracted child to keep calm.

Children with ADHD can be unusually provocative.

Punishments, particularly the corporal kind, are notoriously ineffective.

So whatever it takes to understand your own role in the family conflict
and tone down your reactions may yield benefits that last a lifetime.

None of this has "stopped" my son's ADHD or my own.

We still struggle and suffer, individually and together.

I still take meds, on occasion, and he knows they're there if he decides
they can help him again.

Meanwhile, we play Ping-Pong, talk and laugh together more than we have
for years, and, as much as a 15-year-old will tolerate, we even
occasionally hug.

Our journey to this somewhat better place took a lot of work, a lot of
persistent trial-and-error and a lot of self-criticism.

And all of that, in turn, took a heck of a lot of time and attention -
commodities in sadly short supply for many of us.

Still, we did save on the ginseng, magnetic mattresses and dolphins.

[end excerpts]

The article is online at:
<http://wapo.st/KenPopeEllison>