Writing in the May, 18 th issue of the New Yorker, Jonah Lehrer discusses the experiments of the psychologist Walter Mischel. Michel sat young children down in front of a bowl of marshmalllows, cookies, and pretzels. He told them that he would be leaving the room. If they rang a bell he would come running back and they could have one treat. However, if they waited for him to return they could have two treats. The majority of the children could not wait. They ate the treats before Mischel returned, rang the bell forfeiting the extra treat, and some ate everything in the bowl. The minority who waited got their two treats. Mischel and his students have followed these children for the past 30 years. The majority of children who could not wait had poorer educational and behavioral outcomes (trouble in school, lower SAT scores) when compared to those children who could delay their gratification. Mischel's reasearch supports the idea that self-control is more significant for a well lived life than is IQ.
Yet, so few American have learned self-contol. From poor budgeting practices, addictions of all sorts and giving up on important goals (weight loss, completing projects) self-control is in short supply. From ads that tell us we deserve a break today, to a government telling us to go out and spend in a time of war, to our own brains that crave pleasure self-control is a fragile resource. However, many of us have learned to exercise self-control, especially when motivated to reach some important goal. The most unmotivated teen seems to acquire ample self-contol when playing a computer game.
The issue seems to be that most of us (and teens) are not motivated to do what we don't want to do. For teens the rules at home and the grades at school only serve to discourage rather than encourage self control. The trick is to allow teens to discover self-control through encouragement.